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"Hella Angstful Blogger!!!"

[Hey kids! How's it hanging on the up and up? Feel like you missed out on the blogger revolution? Well the ultra cool empl0yhomeys here at benturner.com have summarized 1 year of bonerfied netizengrrlblogfunk for your nistening pezzure! And we've inserted our own homegrown entries into the mix as well! See if you can tell which ones we came up with and which ones are real!]

6-*-29-*-1: i wish i could be as articulate as everyone else seems to be - my posts in this journal all make me seem like some demented teenager, a neurotic horrible person with problem after problem despite leading a relatively sheltered life.

7-*-1-*-1: Want to know how to get ubercool chix like me to like u? just stare at her when you walk down the street together. when she looks back, laugh. when she asks why you're laughing, smile. when she starts yelling about how much of an idiot you're being, kiss her. hold her hand and skip. hold her hand and run. hold her hand, period. pick her flowers out of other people's planters and tell her you stole them. spray paint her name with a heart around it on an alley wall. carve her name into your arm. offer to dye her hair. tell her she looks pretty. let her pay for stuff if she offers. bring her homeless animals, one will do. introduce her to your friends as "the rockinst girl i know." sit in the park and talk to her. go on dates to the library and playgrounds. tell her dirty jokes. go trash picking. talk about politics. write poems about her and put them in your zine. don't mention sex too much, if she wants it, she'll jump on you. go get tattoos together. just walk around. throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts cursing at you, tell her you love her. take her to shows of bands she never heard. pull her into the middle of the crowd and dance with her, if she resists, force her, she'll love it. cook her dinner. do her homework. let her fall asleep in your arms. suck on her earlobes. call her back. sing to her, no matter how bad you are. make out in bathrooms. carve your names into a tree. give her a fake ring as an engagement present. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggy-back rides. let her sing in your band. give her the space she needs. push her on swings. stay up with her all night when she's sick. let her win in wrestling matches sometimes. offer to cut her hair. pick her up from school. share clothes. Make out in photo booths. fall in love.

7-*-2-*-1: i'm so happy u all wrote me so many kewl emails about how nifty my guide to girlz was!!! that's all i want from a guy, really. how come they don't exist? i mean, exemplum gratias (i think it's important to study other languages so you can write better, nestcest pa?), today i was hangin with my friend joe who is kind of cute and does this really cool thing when he looks down and i want him to ask me to the movies but he's too chicken and then he got all pissed because i said bruce, another guy in our class, was hella cute. i can't believe joe would be so jealous!!11 maybe he likes me! i wonder if he'll find out about me dating bruce on the side. he'll probably get all mad cuz of that cuz he got so jealous tonight. stupid boys i don't understand them. maybe i'll find a good one someday.

7-*-6-*-1: today i watched joy luck club with my friend jen. we had some sushi while we watched because i really dig the whole asian culture thing. jen didn't like the movie but i thought it was really insightful of oriental culture. i saw a jade buddha in this cool hibachi restaurant around the corner, i think it would look really good in my bathroom.

7-*-8-*-1: Gee howdy, university students these days. Apathy anyone? Anyone!? Don't all of you put your hands up at once. So yeah zany film and tv students. There was a meeting scheduled today. A meeting with the express purpose of setting up a new organisation for the film school. A meeting which would allow fellow students to nominate themselves and others for the committee. A meeting where debate and open conjecture would fill the hallowed halls of education. A meeting that would result in what the university desperately needs, film culture. A meeting that would finally name the fucking organisation. A meeting a meeting a meeting, damn it! And how many budding cinephiles showed their spotty, eager faces? Hmm let me see. If we count the girl who arranged this, the students enrolled in the school, and then myself, then the grand total would come to... two people!!! I know this much because I turned up. So I think my roles on the committee are president/vice-president/treasurer and the girl is secretary/public relations/pot plant. This film culture is going to be huge.

7-*-14-*-1: Oh HOORAH! My period came today (really early), meaning my melancholy of the last couple of days hasn't been my fault at all and will go away soon. Oh I am pleased. I always get all gloomy for a little while but every month I forget what's causing it. I feel better already. [ 5 comments | post your comment on my period! ]

7-*-17-*-1: What I find most interesting about the SirCam virus is that I've received it perhaps 20-30 times at my work email address, but not once at my personal email address. I believe that this is because I removed all traces of my personal email addresses from the web site, which prevents spambots (and the SirCam virus) from finding the address. It could also be that my readers (i.e. those people who know my email address and have it in their address books) are smart folks and don't use security-prone Microsoft products.

7-*-18-*-1: I stayed up all night, playing with yet another design for this so-called web site. I went into town early this morning, to cash a check, get my hair cut, etc. I figured I would get everything done, come home, and then catch up on some sleep. Unfortunately, when I got home, I got a phone call from my boss-to-be(?), asking me to come in, and do some work fro her. (I have too many jobs) I have reached that stage of tiredness where everything doesn’t seem to make any sense, and the harder I try to get to sleep, the more awake I become.

7-*-20-*-1: The Wallflowers are the best band ever!!! Next to Weezer and Radiohead and Sum 41 and *nsync I mean!! Sorry...i didn't want to get all the cute boyz in those bands to think that I didn't love them anymore!! and screw AJ, Backdoor Boys suck, *nsync 4ever!!!! Damn im dizzy again. time 4 some haagen daz

7-*-21-*-1: I'm so pissed off. I just got off my cutie Nokia cellie talking to Cynthia and she told me that another person I know who is no longer my firend, Margot, totally slapped me in my metaphorical face by saying I was too fat for Joe to ever love me. She is totally wrong because I'm not fat. I jog every day. I'm actually proud of how nice my butt looks now. Id show it to you on my webcam right now but it's kinda broken right now because I was playing with netmeeting and it totally fritzed out on me. Computers hate me for some reason. And so does Margot. I hate myself too, I've decided. time 4 some haagen daz Why is Mariah Carey's breakdown headline worth news?

7-*-25-*-1: You know... I have'nt vegged in bed for a while now. I'm going to go veg in bed, read a book, and plan what I am going to do with myself tonight. I think a movie is needed. By myself (although any friends reading this right now are quite welcome to call me and ask whether they can tag along) curled up in my seat at the back of the theatre, munching on popcorn and losing myself in the fantasy world of the movie.

7-*-25-*-1 (later): Was talking with Fergus today about the journals we read. He asked me whether I could hear the journaller's voice when I read their words (I have a policy of only reading the journals of people I know.) My answer was a no, because most of the time I'm getting frustrating that they don't write more about what they feel. I'm very tempted to say "Please, less of a plot summary of your day and more of how you feel." It's a gripe I have.

7-*-28-*-1: Ooooh just waiting for JSR to get home from work. He will bear dinner! Baked potato with chili, no cheese, no cheese sauce from Wendys for me. I refused fish and chips, because they are too unhealthy. We really must find some more dinner options, I think I'm almost getting sick of the beloved Indian and besides it's expensive and I feel bad about that. It's a bit of a pain to cook here and I get all upset when things aren't nice, whereas if I'm cooking just for my family I don't care. But I should just make the effort I think. Soon I will be able to go weekly grocery shopping! Oh yay! I love the supermarket and the greengrocer and the fishmonger and the bakery! Then cooking will be all fun.

7-*-29-30 (ti took me TWO DAYS TO WRITE!)-*-1: I don't have all that much to say today, in case you haven't noticed. I'm reading a book called "why the tree loves the axe" and it's brilliant, although, in the text of the book when it was explaining the title, it spelt axe 'ax' so I think it's funny that it's different on the cover. Not all that funny really, but just something of note. I'm also going now to try and wipe my 21st skirt clean, finally, only three weeks later. Well, I'm pleased to report that my skirt scrubbed up quite nicely. Perhaps I should invest in more wipe-clean clothing. And then I got inspired to wipe down my walls and ceiling from condensation as well. Trust me to do strange stretchy things when my belly is complainingly full of hot chocolate (soy, but with Baileys in it, because, well, why not?). I haven't been able to sleep at all lately, too much on my mind. One day I will find the off switch for my brain so that it will stop processing and I can actually get some rest . Last night at Popular's, she had the Jeremy single, so we listened to Yellow Ledbetter, and I was thinking "fuck, they used to be so good", especially since I've also been listening to Ten at work a lot the past week and singing til my throat is sore whenever there was no one else in the office.

7-*-31-*-1: See, some people might fear that lines like that might cause a dramatic drop in their ratings, but I'm secure. Really. Oh so secure. Dear lord, this is one of those entries that exists only to bug readers, because I just ramble and ramble, and there's no gossip and little namedropping. So I'll stop now, and go and fix my index page for July.

8-*-2-*-1: I shut off my computer all day yesterday because of the Code Red hybrid worm virus. Apparently it infected millions of servers. Glad I wasn't online cuz people send me stuff and I could've gotten something. HAH, beat you Code Red! I hope they find whichever Chinese guy did that.

8-*-3-*-1: i've decided to take my site "off the air" for a little while. don't worry, i'm not ill, getting married or worse... there are simply too many things going on at the moment that need my attention. this site will be back online soon. i'm sorry that i can't give you the exact date, but i can tell you that it will look (taste, smell, sound) different. promise. if you need to get in touch just mail me. i'll be checking my email regularly, but i probably won't be using icq or aim very much. now, dry your tears. give us a hug... don't you hate goodbyes?

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