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"Corpus and Other Shit"

The last few weeks have been sort of atypical for me, but I enjoyed myself immensely. Beyond having to complete my taxes in time, using that handy TurboTax on the Web shit, it's been all fun.

First of all, I spoke to Anna over the phone again, after not having the chance to speak to her on the phone in what must have been about a year. She's a great girl, with both a sweet and a dangerous side, and knowing how to fully utilize both. That may sound like a condemnation, but it's not -- nothing irks me more than girls who don't know how to exploit their strengths, or even worse, don't even know they have any at all.

So it was cool talking with her, and we got on like old times. We'll always get along well. But I think that's about as far as it goes from here on out.

Which I don't particularly mind all that much right now since I'm either living life free of a girlfriend hassling me, or I'm on the phone or online talking with good friends about how their relationships are full of hassles, pussywhipping, hypocritic female logic, etc. I think I can do without that for now. But girls look soooo gooood...

Anyway. I think next I called up Slavek and convinced him to borrow his boss's video cam so we could film my Survivor application video. Yeah. No joke. I know I'm not the type who you'd think would do that, but that's because you don't really know how goofy and dumb I can really be.

So we filmed the tape, which could only be three minutes long. I'll probably write another essay about that whole ordeal, so stay tuned.

I got that out of the way and then me and my old roommate Daniel decided along with one of his neighborhood friends (John) that we'd all go down to Aransas Pass, Mustang Island, which is near Corpus Christi and north of South Padre Island. It was a long drive which consisted of stopping in Austin at Daniel's place to spend the night for the next day's drive. It was them and their girlfriends and me, but that's alright with me because I really had no responsibility to take care of anyone while enjoying the vacation. They got pretty drunk and Daniel did a chicken dance and everyone was happy. The next day we set off, later than perhaps we should have, driving through some small Texas towns and eating at a Dairy Queen for lunch.

Dude, I don't know what it is. But when you're driving around in the south, all you ever find when you need food is DQ! It's fucking uncanny!

We got to the ferry that takes you across to Mustang Island pretty late in the day, and everyone was arriving for Easter weekend, so we had to wait in line for quite a long time. John fed the seagulls that were hovering outside his gf's car from the bridge, and so there was a huge flock of them to keep us company until we got to the ferry. We stayed at Coral Cay, a condominium complex near the beach that had a kitchen and big living room and two bedrooms. Nice place. I got the couch of course. Which ended up being the floor because the springs on the pullout couch were broken and I would've ended up with a broken spine trying to sleep on it.

We didn't get to stay that long since driving took up a good deal of the time, but I did get to do what I wanted to do, which was rent a bodyboard and go out and sit on the waves for a bit. I'm such a wannabe surfer dude. Everyone else went to do their own thing but I stayed out on the water, which was producing surprisingly big waves. The whole shore was covered with seaweed, so it was a little icky wading through the water, but once you get out far enough, it's nice. I sat out there waiting for waves, watching the gulls flying above, divebombing the water for fish that were leaping out of the water around me. No one else was in the water as late as me, so I was pretty much all by myself. It was very pleasant.

Other notables on the trip: a bitch waitress who gave one of the girls a shrimp salad instead of Caesar, chicken instead of mahi mahi, 3 napkins for 5 people, charged us for the replacement salad, and so on. John works in restaurants so he knew we didn't have to give a tip, and we didn't. We walked out and the waitress comes running out DEMANDING a tip and John wouldn't give her one, and she was angry. Like she expects a tip for downright horrible service? We also had someone lock their keys in the car, and some upset stomachs. Luckily I was unaffected and had a relaxing time.

So now I'm home again and I decided to get gold highlights in my hair. It was originally going to be blue, but the woman told me to just try the effect out the first time, since I can add color on my own if I want. It looks pretty cool and it adds a little variety, although I'm told it's ultra-trashy in Sweden, as Anna says. Oh well. :P

I get virtually no actual e-mail that was actually written just for me anymore. It's either scripted shit from one of the many companies I allowed to send me shit, or scripted junk e-mail shit from one of the many companies I DIDN'T allow to send me shit. Just as well, I guess. I don't communicate well online anymore. So here's one CLASSIC spam:

Greetings, I am Maj. Timothy Banya, the commander and head of the Secret Unit in charge of Diamond dealing for the Revolutionary United Front (RUF) of Sierra-Leone. I was working directly with the former Rebel Leader Foday Sankoh who is languishing in government custody and hope to be prosecuted for illegal diamond dealing and the killings of 21 people during a public demonstration outside his home in May this year. The RUF is now headed by Gen. Issa Sessey who is determined in bringing peace to Sierra Leone, he signed cease- fire agreement with the government on Friday 10th Nov., 2000 and instructed us that peace must returned to our fatherland after nine-years of conflict, pledging to allow U.N. troops an hindered access throughout the Sierra-Leone. This you can confirm from BBC and CNN. At my disposal right now, I am trapped with large quantity of unpolished diamond and millions of United States dollars that is in cash and because of the situation of things in my Country, the possibility of investing these funds here is highly limited, hence the decision to contact you arises. At this juncture, I am soliciting for your assistance to enable me legitimize and entrust in your care for investment US$12.5 million dollars (Twelve Million Five Hundred Thoudand United State Dollars). I accept to concede some percentage to you for your materials and logistics involvement. Kindly revert to me only if you are interested so that we can arrange for a meeting and how you can receive the consignments. Hope to here from you. Best regards, Maj. Timothy Banya

I must admit, this kind of creative writing must feel particularly liberating. Perhaps I should try it.

And another:


1) The world is too perfect. For example: sun, stars, moon, air, earth, food, life, and water. If you threw a block of metal on the ground, would it form a watch and start ticking?

Not a bad argument...UNTIL THAT LAST PART.

Just remember, as the e-mail says, "We are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against persons without bodies. So, put on all of Godís armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks." Do I have to wear that flaming gay bulging codpiece?

The other night I went to the last Mavs' game of the season against the Timberwolves. The halftime show had all the guys who got us to the playoffs against the Lakers 11 years ago or so. Brad Davis, Rolando Blackman, Mark Aguirre, etc. Where was Roy Tarpley? Drugged out? I still remember watching those games as a little kid, where the Lakers pulled ahead at the end of the 7th game and won the series. Sigh.

The Mavs utterly destroyed the T'Wolves, who were playing without Garnett. I got to see the Chinese Wang Zhizhi play, since we were up by so much by the middle of third quarter that both teams just threw in all their bench players. Funny enough, Wang Zhizhi scored the chalupa shot, where everyone gets chalupas if we score 100 points in a game. I had a great time, always do. We were unstoppable that night. Now da Mavs go to Utah and make Malone look bad, as he does every playoff year!

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