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"Media Hating"

Being the media ho that I am, watching tons of TV and reading lots of news, I'm actually quite forgiving and temperamental of it all. Some people find the media ultimately disgusting these days. To me it is comical. All the crazy things you hear about coming off the AP wires would probably be pretty damn depressing if it weren't so funny.

Anyway, here is my list of shit that REALLY REALLY bothers me and repeatedly does so to me.

Columbine and Timothy McVeigh

How come I keep hearing about these people over and over again? Weren't they done with years ago? The school shootings and Oklahoma City bombing come back more often than Tu-Pac with another best-selling album. I mean, really. I know some journalists and newsdirectors around the country try to fill airtime by honoring the anniversaries of these bloody events, using the argument of thorough reporting, but regular people get into it too. They keep bringing back the memory of people who basically did their acts as desperate pleas for attention from a world that couldn't really give a damn if they existed. Let's have candlelight vigils, to further the effect of criminals who just wanted us to be afraid of them! Let's reward people who are so self-centered and weak-minded that they would hurt others to help get them airplay.

The Columbine kids played Doom! Oh no! I hear some organization is suing the big game companies for driving kids to violence. What, three, four, five years later? This is beyond laughable. This is just what they wanted. Mayhem and chaos caused by kids who people "underestimated".

For some reason Timothy McVeigh is like being taped 24/7, so every other day he has something new and "chilling" to say. At this point he's already dead so he figures he might as well fulfill the terrifying murderer reputation everyone's given him. He can say anything he wants now and lacks any sort of regret for what he did, and why should he? People lap up whatever he will say next. And meanwhile, it's obvious the guy barely has any sort of wits about him. I watched the news twits reading out loud the letter he released to the public and he talks about how he waited patiently for the American system of "checks and balances -- the executive, legislative, and judicial branches" -- to do something and then got irate when they acquitted all the people he thought were guilty. This just smacks of some immature kid who's had that freshman government class bullshit engrained in his head.

This shit just never ends. Even after McVeigh gets shot up with a needle full of the happy stuff, you can expect literary debriefings and behind the scenes biographies from hack writers who have to support their Ikea/E-list party lifestyles with shock pop articles.

"The consumer ends up paying more."

I'm so tired of hearing this.

You heard it through the whole Napster debate, when the RIAA and people who flaunted their "ethics" would say that as a result of people "stealing" music, everyone else would end up paying more. Then they will pull out figures that were basically pulled out of thin air, with raw assumptions providing skewed data, all to convince you that you are only hurting yourself if you "steal" music. This is the same with software, ticket scalping, CPU overclocking, any sort of "corruption" that might cut into the profits of the people who already mark stuff up anyway.

Have prices for these items really gone up all that much since you can remember? Are bands any poorer? Is *Nsync peddling for food outside MTV in NYC? Only thing I can tell that has gone UP in price is movie tickets. This must be because of rampant sneaking in through the exit doors by poor, irresponsible college kids. Not because the actors and crew are demanding more money with more elaborate sets and effects. Give me a fucking break.

Billy Crystal and Others with No Career

I already know that for the rest of my life until these people die, I am going to see Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Michael Caine, Rosie O'Donnell, Martin Short, Chevy Chase, etc. etc. at EVERY fucking awards show including the Oscars where they get the lifetime achievement award for the tenth time. They will not go away. And the jokers in Hollywood, because they're all tight with each other, will continue to give these people airtime while people at home yawn and cry in boredom. If they could bottle Steven Seagal's star status in a bottle and sell it, they would. And none of us would buy. And their premiere party for the bottle would be a smashing time anyway.

Let these people disappear, please. It is so intolerable that I immediately flip away when I see them on TV. They have no star power anymore. GO AWAY!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

Disingenuous Marketing

You've seen the commercials on TV. Commercials for Philip Morris or Baby Bells or dotcoms. They hire some glitzy ad agency full of little klubbheads who want to put their chic libraries of techno compilations to work in a commercial with fancy packaging and plenty of metaphor. But you know, since you've actually had to put up with the underlying companies, just how shitty the companies actually are. So you're told in whizbang terms how this product is just the strongest option out there, when just last week they tried to shaft you by charging an extra few hundred bucks.

Commercials aren't even realistic anymore. It is like political campaigning. Nothing said is true, it's just a race to see who can be the most hyperbolic. We as consumers are alienated by companies that throw this kind of marketing at us. A good example is Apple, who distances 95% of potential customers by saying stupid people use PCs and smart people use Macs, with fancy slick ads that promote intellectualism and style. Uhhh...no. Market it as a worthy alternative at least, something that is more realistic and less combative.

Bill Walton

OY VEY!!! Does this guy EVER stop whining? EVERY weekend on NBC they have him doing the commentary for the big basketball game, and EVERY second of EVERY game he is whining about how this or that guy isn't doing this or that. He complains about fundamentals, heart, attitude, EVERYTHING. And he even puts on a whiny voice when he does it. To top it off, he will come up with completely ridiculous analogies to things that make no sense at all, or will make outrageous claims that he will later ask (literally! I do not jest), "did I really say that?" The guy will just not shut up. Marv Albert goes over the top on enthusiasm, but it's positive, so it's enjoyable. Walton is just an old-timer who says modern players suck compared to when he played ball (and not NBA ball, I'm talking ABA ball!) like Joe "Acrobatic Afro" Johnson and Frank "White Tight Shorts" Wilson. Everyone I talk to hates him, too, although I think he's getting more senile with age because his statements get more and more ludicrous every season that NBC astonishingly resigns him.

Anna Kournikova

She was quoted as saying, "I'm like an expensive menu: you can look at it, but you can't afford it."

In the tombs of bachelor men, it is said to RUN AWAY!! from these types of girls. They are self-conceited and have that reinforced on a daily basis.

These are the sorts of girls you stop finding attractive the more you know about them, and then you secretly hope they get in a terrible accident that mangles their face, so then they realize how hard life is without their beauty. One big scar across the face and all those suitors she just blew off will disappear and chase the next young beauty who comes along.

For a girl who has yet to win anything on her own, and only won doubles because of another overhyped teeniebopper like Hingis (mental toughness? how come every match I see her in, she breaks down?) covering her ass, she gets way too much play. And the worst part is she keeps saying she's committed to tennis more than her appearance.

Please please please get into the movie business or something. Tennis is only holding you back while you still have the goods that time destroys.

Wendy's Commercials

I mentioned this to my parents tonight. Somehow Dave Thomas finds time to make a dozen new Wendy's commercials every week AND pay to have them aired AND they all suck. Their punchlines are about as funny as most of the comics in the paper. And that's something else. Why do cartoonists suck so hard? Isn't there a lot of competition? I mean, you see a book fall off a table onto the dad's foot, and the baby girl who shouldn't be able to speak tells her friend who is also a baby that dad's lost his concentration ever since he got that Tamagochi...HAHAHAH LOLOLOMFGROFFLE~ Who finds this funny?

Anti-Eminem Zealots

You see MTV speaking out of both sides of its mouth, playing Eminem constantly, and then running a special on how people should not condone discrimination in any shape or form. Then you get the token gay rights activist person in front of the camera to say "NUH UH!!" to everything Eminem says. I mean, it sounds to me like he's a homophobe, but big fucking deal. He says that himself. He says shit about a lot of other people and they don't come running. He writes in his lyrics that he says things just to get a rise out of people, and obviously it works. The activists get all riled up instead of just ignoring him, and then he gets more exposure and more record sales, and more kids probably say what he says just because they see it pissing people off. That's the nature of counterculture.

I understand what he means when he said he doesn't mean anything derogatory towards gays when he says "fag". These days, a lot of straight people say "fag" and mean an effeminate heterosexual, not a homosexual. Like a girlyman. But don't get me wrong, Eminem probably IS homophobic.

Again, who cares? I'm not homophobic myself, and in a lot of ways I get along better with gay guys than straight guys (less of a macho competitive undertone and they make great friends for your gf to hang out with), but I know a lot of people who say they have no problem with gay people but seize up when they actually meet one or have to talk about one. It's closet hate. Closet hate is pretty prevalent towards hispanics and blacks too, even though people won't admit it.

Bottom line is that Eminem is just a punk MC. I don't really think he gives much mind to most things in life, and so if you're listening to him, looking for a message is dumb. As for influencing impressionable children, well hey, these pro-censorship people would have you believe American history has been colorblind, genderblind, and sexual preference blind. And that is sad. In ten years, when all these little kids grow up to be fledgling jackass ad agency yuppies, they'll be putting Eminem in Ford commercials and it will sound tame. Just like how the music I used to listen to as a little kid when it was considered racy is now cheese music.

DFW Airport

Dallas is known as being a technology-laden city, and when you go to the airport, it shows. On the short flights, I always get seated next to someone on the plane, or in the terminal, who is a head-bobbing middle management jerkoff at some local noname. He sits next to another head-bobbing type, perhaps an executive if he has to travel that day, and they sit there and bob heads for most of the flight bragging about their new supply chain software or dynamic peer-to-peer XML database-driven open source blahblah setup. Then they go on and on about the market and how they have lots of opportunities to cash in on. Then as the flight ends they give the whole schpiel about playing phone tag and how happy they were to meet each other. Kids, this is known as "networking"!

It is hard to take. Anyone knows that the higher you go up the corporate ladder, the less you actually know about the details of the core business. Yet, guess what execs love to talk about? Oh yes...

Who I NEED to be seated next to are single bicurious college girls who are touchy-feely types. But nooo, I get seated next to Mr. Joe Corporate Mule. C'est la vie, c'est la vie.

Complaining Girls

Okay, so it's not a media thing, but it's definitely on my hate list. I hate girls who complain about not being able to find a good man. Doesn't this just make you nauseous? What they really mean is, I can't find a misogynous football jock type or wifebeating boozer type who I can mold into marriage material. Meanwhile they pass up nice guys because they're "boring".

You'd think any girl would know that it's quiet, loner types (yes, yes, I include myself) who would be the most devoted to her because he'd feel lucky to have her, and not just add her to a growing list of nightly fucks.

Women should stop bitching about men. They can get anyone they want if they just knew how to work themselves. It's not as though men are terribly selective when you get right down to it. :P Unlike women. Is that advice too hard to follow? No? Okay then, now you don't have to spend the $8.50 to see Bridget Jones, or any other search for youthful female identity movie!

And finally...

"You ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"

Need I say more?

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