I'm in a pretty weird mood right now, probably partially because I'm listening to Fantastic Plastic Machine, this sort of happy Austin Powers-ish music made by some crazy Japanese guy. Or perhaps because right now the NASDAQ is going through a hellacious bounce which I believe will not lead to a new bull market but is instead a bounce on the bigger wave down. I always hate these times because you have to wait for the temporary run to finish itself, then wear itself out, then go through some rough times as bears and bulls fight, and finally you get to the meat of the move again. So it requires some patience and not pulling the trigger too soon. Really annoying when you want to make a lot of trades and make some money. Doing that at a time of transition is a killer for me -- I tend to lose more money when nothing happens than when something DOES happen, which is by no means a unique trait for a trader.
But I think the main thing behind my funk is that it's one of those periods when I want to get into a new hobby or interest. I'm sure everyone kind of gets this way. Something appeals to you, and you read a little about it or ask around, but while you wait for an opportunity to get everything together to try it, you get all anxious and impatient, and in my case, people really really annoy me at times like these.
I get so focused on wanting to try that new interest, it consumes my thoughts until I do it. But when I see things like wishy-washy girls crying out about their independence (yeah right) or people acting hypocritical, it just makes me pissed off. Like for example, I was talking to one girl about how men are so easy to figure out because their demands are so simple, and how women are so completely different, expecting one answer at one time and another at another time. Kind of like the guard of the rope bridge in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. My theory is that men are a simple lot, and all we want is something shiny and powerful to tinker with, to hang out with the guys, and to spend some (read, not ALL) time with the girlfriend a few nights a week or whatever. But then, assuming the relationship IS a good fit, the woman tries to make it infinitely more complex by stressing communication and commitment and all that, and that's when the guy freaks out, even if they both love each other, because it's just a pain in the ass to a guy who mostly cares if that kick is going to go through the field goal posts.
It's amazing, the universal male disdain towards the Lifetime channel and all those pro-women folks. Not that we don't approve of women being strong and independent (hey, I can't stand girls who have no backbone, myself), it's just that we're tired of people saying that men are bad and evil and then some stranger comes in and muddles up something that was fine to begin with.
And no, while it may sound like I'm venting on a personal matter, I'm not. :P But I talk to friends and hear about all sorts of stories. :P
This link made the rounds a while ago, and it proves my point exactly. Some guy wrote down all the little things he and his girlfriend have argued about. My suggestion to women: ease up on your men before they go do something drastic. :P
So the things I've wanted to start trying are things like skateboarding, snowboarding, and surfing. I bodyboarded a bit in Corpus, but I don't really have to opportunity to do any of those unless I were living somewhere else, except skateboarding. Which works out well because I can learn how to balance myself at home and then when I travel I can be more prepared for other sports when I try them. That whole subculture thing (which I guess is pretty mainstream now) has always overlapped my interests to some degree, since most of the things I like incorporate a lot of that culture into their style. So it only makes sense that I get into it too.
So far I don't have a deck or anything, so that'd cost me about $100, which is okay. I don't know what to look for or what to get, but I know some people who are into boarding and they might offer some advice.
Not that I'm any less a fan of my other interests because of this, mind you. Trading is fun, but this megarally comes in the face of such disastrous results you have to remain a bit suspect. I myself haven't been trading much recently as a result. Which if I were more cynical is probably a sign that it'll keep going up. :P
And I love love love basketball. Just had a playoff weekend of 8 games or so, although almost all my teams lost. Especially Dallas, which was a heartbreaker. I've been playing ball a lot at the gym, and I'm probably in the best shape ever in my life, even from high school. Most people are fit in school, but get gradually more out of shape once they graduate. I've got a stronger left hand and some good post-up moves. My jumper for some reason still remains a bit unreliable. But I'm stronger now so I can push most people around as I wish, except for the tallest and fastest of them. I know a guy that wants me to play sand volleyball too, so maybe I'll try that out too.
I'd really dig getting into surfing and boarding. The people are fun-loving and daring, which is more like what I want to associate myself with right now. Other than my dream of trading from a cafe in Rome, my newest dream is to be sitting out in the water waiting for a good break to come so I can ride it on my board while the sun is high in the sky and everything is bright and sunny and hot. The sports are dangerous but require skill, and you can do it on your own if you want. Team sports are not entirely my thing.
It's weird though. I've learned hard lessons through college and after it. I used to think I was all special and shit, and that I was a bright star waiting to be seen, but now I think more and more like that's not the case, and I'm not the sort of unique person who has that vibrance you need to make a big name for yourself, and so sitting around waiting for what you think you deserve won't work. You need to go out on your own and earn a name for yourself, which is what the cliché says anyway. The bottom line is that fun doesn't come to you, you have to go out and have it. So I'm more open-minded and adventurous now, and it helps that I don't have any serious assets or a girlfriend/wife or kids to give me responsibility beyond trying to deserve the generosity of my very loving parents (thanks, you two, for all your kindness towards me).
Right now I often feel like there is something huge waiting for me just around the corner and that I'm so close to fulfilling whatever I'm supposed to be. It's really frustrating because I have no idea what it is, or if it's just youthful indulgence and hope that is later tainted by age and failure. I really do not know. I meet people who are just so fascinating and inspiring to me, and I look at myself and don't see why they enjoy my company in reciprocation. I haven't learned to grasp that yet. I'm just now grasping the importance of having fun and living life.
Sometimes I get worried because a long time ago I wrote that I hope I never lose my juvenile naivete or anger, which translated into passionate writing. I feel as though I've lost a lot of my anger, and I'm very carefree and good-tempered now. I may be cynical but is more out of jest than out of true belief. But what keeps me going now seems to be a curiosity to try new things, even if they're out of my realm completely. I just have to keep pushing to make sure I keep trying new stuff, as everyone should.
Oh fuck, what am I writing? Stop it!
Enough of this psychobabble shit that everyone writes about as if it were singular to their own characters. It's time for me to learn to skate and have fun!
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