I've been waiting for this year to come for a long time. I think it has sufficiently consumed much of my writings in the Soapbox. After this semester, I graduate. I am completely free of school. I will be able to get on with my fucking life finally.
Everything I've learned up to that point culminates in the release of a creature into the world, using all he has acquired to get him into his own place in life. I've long known what direction I want to head into in the future, but I've had numerous things holding me back.
Soon will be the time when I let it all go, venture free of it all, and see what there truly is out there. No time restrictions, no dates I have to be home by, nothing. No hassles, all the time in the world to screw with my life. It'll be up to me to do what I want to do. If I don't, I will be disappointed only with myself.
I have a semester to complete my studies (which at this point have very little to do with my actual interests and more with just completing the state-mandated requirements for graduation) and to pick up any loose skills I don't have yet, in case my job needs them.
Then ideally I'll have secured a job to come home to after I go gallavanting around in Europe for a bit. The job will first and foremost have to be fun, something I'm motivated to work on. The pay is secondary. (although eventually they are directly related, I imagine, if you're good at what you do) Position trades will most definitely go on in my spare time. I want to get into DJ'ing somehow. It helps if you're independently well off because DJs don't get paid shit until they're established. I want to visit the Orient at some point and check out the action there. Somewhere along the line, I'll get involved with a revolutionary idea, whether it be mine or a startup's. Who knows?
All I know is that I have the potential and likelihood of being able to do all of this within the next year. The possibilities are endless, the choices exciting.
You know, I was so unprepared when I graduated from high school. I really wasn't sure how far I could get with what I had. I was unsure of myself and doubting of the world. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, and I was severely uneducated. I feel far more confident graduating from college than I did from high school. It is important to note, however, that college itself was not the main factor here -- the events that happened while I was in college were the key elements. To be honest, I'm fairly certain most of the good things that have happened to me have NOT been because of school. Does that make me regret spending the time on school? Of course not -- I'm all the wiser for my studies and I know my talents and limitations, and I'm more versatile. In the long run, my studies will pay off. But for right now, the really important stuff that happened to me took place outside of school.
And yet, it seems as though this journey I'll be undertaking will be a solitary one. Friends and family will go along with you only so far into the unknown before they become overpowered with doubt and uncertainty and turn around to go home. You keep stumbling further and further into the unknown, where no one's ever been before and no one cares to go. No one comprehends why you'd even want to travel in this path, so they lose faith in you. You? Well, you know what you want and you keep going. There's only two possible endings to the quest -- either you fail along the way and are left on your own, or you reach something greater than you could have ever imagined, and you have no one to share it with. It would take much time afterwards for others to gradually arrive at the same place. For most artists and writers, their vision is not rewarded until after they're dead. How comforting for us all.
But that's how it goes. I have no idea how Europe is going to work out. It's going to be a mess scheduling everything and wondering how to get from point A to point B and all that. Who will I meet? Anyone interesting? I feel like I've slipped out of the grasp of those who knew me. What I'm up to is a mystery to everyone but me.
By the end of this year, I imagine myself with a quite surprising accumulation of wealth for someone of my age. I imagine being quite comfortable, and having grown as a mature adult considerably as a result of travelling and walking on the tether without the comfortable academic safety net. I think my attitude about things will have changed a lot as well -- it changed a lot just over Christmas break. I think that I will continue to follow my heart and to free myself of anything that burdens me.
I still find this site extremely convenient for conveying the state of affairs in my head and in my life. However, saying that, it's become worlds difficult for me to convey certain emotions on this site because someone inevitably will take offense to it. I remember when people who knew me didn't read my site. :) Now they're the only ones that read it. The strangers visit once and never come again. I took a long break from anything web design over the break. Haven't touched Photoshop in a long time. Needed to recoup energy to work on design again. Maybe this year I'll prune the site some, and redesign various parts of it.
My primary concern is to enjoy this year. It should be wild, unpredictable, and something I will carry with me for the rest of my life when I think about what I've done. This year should actually continue throughout the rest of my life. :) That's the plan.
The Soapbox this year will probably have a lot more stock-related stuff. I'm just so fascinated with the thriving organism called the market right now. This leads me to wonder if I'm just following the trend, but I do feel as though this had the same impact on me as that other distributed network, the Internet did. And I have strong opinions on things, like companies, and I love to write. Commentary on companies is not an unnatural move for me to make. "Write about what you know, dear," my painfully boring parageography professor would quote from a forgotten source.
So that's what all I'm going to do. For right now, I have funds to allocate, possibly a new gaming system to build, job applications to send in, a trip to plan, a NASDAQ to get to 5,000 by April, French skills to radically improve, a slew of books to read, and some other little surprises.
Let's get this thang started!
[ respond to this in the General Discussion forum ]