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"No More Oppression!"

To whom it may concern,

I write this not as a joke, but a serious petition to fight the almighty powers that be which refuse to let us live our lives in a free and lawful manner, guaranteed to us under the principles of democracy. No longer shall my fellow men and women live under this veil of oppression, this malicious attempt to change our ways of life so much that we cannot function normally.

Yes, too long has Time brought us down. Time stops us from having fun going to see movies or read books, he stops us from getting our studies done, he makes us miss important appointments with people, and he causes our deaths. This barbaric tyranny has gone unnoticed for too long but we will take it no longer!


"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying."

-Robert Herrick


Take me for example. Once thriving in an elementary world where little homework was assigned in school and recess was allowed, my Garden of Eden, I was snatched by Time's hoary clutches and placed into a world where deadlines slithered through my toes and worries were spawned into my head by Time and his minions. No longer was I innocent, no longer was I unburdened with such matters as guilt. This took place with no justification besides Time's insipid lust for destruction.

So I call upon the gods, who deem matters such as mortal lives with fairness and generous warmth, to right the wrongs and do away with Time's evil fetters.

My wish is simple: the day is divided into 24 hours, just enough for Time to enslave us without notice. I demand six hours added to each day, for a total of 30 hours. Furthermore, for entertainment reasons, I request that Sundays and Mondays be destroyed and two Fridays are added instead. College students especially need more time to sober up before Tuesday and Wednesday. This will make all mortals happy, allowing them to do the things Time never allowed them to do before. Is this such a difficult request to satisfy? I beg of you, please allow us this one refuge from Time.

Ben Turner.


Interested in signing the petition to add 6 hours to every day? Follow the link or send me e-mail.

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