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"Dear Ben,"

Date: Sun, 06 Oct 96 20:07:53 -0700
From: Ben Turner (ben@benturner.com)
To: Ben Turner (ben@benturner.com)
Subject: Just telling you what's new...

Dear Ben,
  This is Ben.  Yeah, you know, yourself.  What's
new?  Still procrastinating instead of studying
the fascinating intricacies of prokaryote
development for your biology class?
  I suppose you're wondering why I'm writing.  I
mean, we have lived so close to each other for so
long!  But I thought that maybe a letter would be
the most appropriate method to tell you this, and
I guessed you needed something to post for your
weekly soapbox article.  Anyway, I talk to you
quite often, really, but I figured I would tell
you about the city you live in, simply because I
don't think you've completely soaked in UT or the
city of Austin yet.
  Every day is an odd one.
  When walking to classes, you can be sure to
encounter strange people who sing to you as you
walk by or who dance around yelling at nothing in
particular until they choose randomly when to stop.
A sad sight the homeless are, but you'd do better
to say "sorry" and move on then take the time to
find any change.  As one guy said, "Hey, I'm the
college student.  I should be asking YOU for
money."  There's a big building owned by the
Church of Scientology on the corner of Guadalupe
and 22nd.  It looks imposing.  They give free
stress tests and advertise L. Ron Hubbard's book,
_Dianetics_, every chance they get.  It's the
kind of place teenagers get caught in in horror
flicks (and now that I've said this, some
Scientologists will be hunting me down for
talking badly about the Church).
  So then you make it onto campus and your eyes are
deluged with beautiful women and people wearing
expensive brand-name clothes.  I'm not supporting
or attacking materialism here, but I figured you'd
want to know, Ben, since you seem to be the type
who pays attention to those things.
  There are several great places which just make
being part of a campus so enjoyable.  One place is
the mall in front of the Union Tower.  Seeing the
linguistics, psychology, and other humanities
buildings on the outside of a large green lawn,
strewn with lounging college students, is great
to see.  I guess I like it so much for the same
reason I like Raphael's "The School of Athens".
It's interesting seeing people congregating in a
place to learn and talk.  There is a walk outside
of the Undergraduate Library as well, and it is
always a welcome sight to the eyes -- small bands
play different music while students sit around and
do whatever.  Clubs have tables set up for
enrolling new members.  You feel like part of
something special.  And of course, the women look
good.  Maybe that's all it is, heh.
  The classes are enjoyable dependent on the
sucject and the teacher.  Without going into
nauseating detail about them, the biology teacher
is quite a...er...different person who loves to
scatter his discussions with sexual references.
What's fascinating about this is that several of
my friends have reported the same tactics from
their professors -- perhaps sex sells in the
classroom too!
  The women down here are great, but watch out
or they'll bite your head off.  I'll say no
more about this (heh heh).
  Haven't explored the city very much, but I
think there's a capital around here somewhere,
I think.  At least, that's one of the rumors
floating around.  Me?  All I can see is the
Union Tower and Dobie Center.  Why is it that
towers on university campuses always overlook
large open areas for walking?  Do snipers get
VIP cards when enrolling at UT?  Not sure
what to tell you about 6th Street.  People
come back much worse than me for some reason,
and you can tell.  I wonder if they can see
straight through bleary, puffy, red eyes...
  Anyway, gotta go.  Call you later, you big
self-indulgent jerk -- I'm working on a big
project at the moment.  But I must be sure
to tell you of another friend backstabbing
me -- I still don't know what to make of it.


PS:  I'm not going to tell you about the
fun secret places to go to study and
observe the campus.  Those secrets are
for me only.


   Carpe cras!  Down with epicureanism!

   B E N  T U R N E R, a firm Catullan.


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