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Nothing really caught my interests this week as much as one certain woman did *wink*, but she's definitely beyond words. I'll talk about something I can put into words instead...

The man mumbles aloud as he fights the relentless demons of the god Sleep. He talks about his latest hallucination, his uneven breath blowing empty Twinkie wrappers and potato chip bags off his desk. The computer screen shows off an eery Heavenly glow, basking the man's face in accepting light. "Type on me," it beckons seductively.

The man begins to type, every keystroke striking wrenching pain into Sleep, that god who looms around each mortal like a policeman near a donut shop. The clackety-clack of the keys arouse the man's sleep-drunken mind into a slightly more ordered and comprehensible style, identical to the style of the world-renowned writer, Ben Turner!

"Lately I've been thinking, thinking about height. Man's average height has grown a few inches since the last couple centuries. This is because mainly of improved diets which have maximized our potential for growth. Along with evolution, environmental conditions, and mutation, diet has given us, on the average, taller humans.

"Don't believe me, you twink? Hey, a Twinkie sounds good about now... ... Okay, I'm back. Have you been to any castles or ruins of ancient civilizations? The doorways were too short for you, weren't they? Partly because of construction cost and partly because of the average height of humans back then, dwellings were smaller. They didn't have low-fat Twinkies (yumm) and baked potato chips. Their growth was stunted.

"These days, our houses have doorways big enough for most of us to walk under without bending over. Every building, staircase, public transportation vehicle, kitchen counter, etc. is designed towards the average height of man. Yes, height is more important than we realize in today's society. Shorter and taller people must just deal with it.

"Imagine a world, if you will, where people have evolved to eight, nine, and ten feet. Is it possible? Does man, whether scientists say it or not, have a growth ceiling (pardon the pun) that he'll eventually hit? Imagine if they came back to our world and had to fix our society to match theirs. Our layouts have become too cramped and our buildings fall into ruin, like the Incan and Egyptian. Cars become bigger, skyscrapers have fewer floors, basketball goals are twenty feet tall. Augh, where does it end? The Twinkie God has given me vision of the importance of height, something none of you realize! You must plan ahead or else civilization will collapse when people suddenly grow taller! This is your, umm, top priority!"

The man is zapped by his computer and she faintly whispers, "No no, my dear, you must worry about my clock, when it hits the year 2000. I am not equipped to deal with such a number and I shall die not a second later."

Intoxicated by drowsiness, the man foolishly adds, "Just like a woman to worry about her clock over anything else..."

With the scorn of a fully-living woman, the monitor immediately shuts off, giving the half-junkie, half-man no indication of why it did so. The man sits in the dark, dumbfounded, and falls prey to Sleep without a struggle. Although he thinks he has just seen a hallucination, the man has failed humanity and fails to inform the world of its impending doom: the year 2000 and the growth of height of man.

Okay, so I thought I would jazz up this week's soapbox. Before you send in that flame mail, trash it and just think about how much height affects our society. Those with height have power and intimidation. Height affects architecture and other aspects of society as well. Quite a heighty, er, weighty subject indeed, yes?

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